Something occurred to me today.
I’ve been having a tough couple of weeks mentally, something I am very aware of. This is due to career change/moving/other big personal shifts and it is all GOOD change – but let me tell you this is anything but easy! The thing is, I’m in a position of leadership, therefore I tend to portray myself as ‘having it together’ all of the time.
Which, to be honest, 90% of the time I am a very happy, motivated, and compassionate person. I go about my days excited to see what I can do, who I can help, and what I can create. I genuinely feel this way majority of the time, as the result of YEARS of mental ‘reprogramming’. However, these last couple of weeks have been teetering toward my other 10%. A mist this 10% I teeter toward feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and scatter-brained. Basically I feel like this is my ‘alter-ego’ ready to self-sabotage me at any given moment.
If this happens to you, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You are not alone, weird, a failure, or anything else that your mind may try and convince you of. This is what our brains do – they automatically gear toward the negative side of thinking, making it a daily struggle for us humans to keep positive all the time.
My mind used to be more like 85% self sabotage and 15% confident, so I can tell you from a personal standpoint – learning to see things in a new light takes a lot of time and effort to fight natural tendencies!
However, what is so different for me NOW when I am ever so reluctantly navigating the 10%… is that I see things from a different perspective. I am aware of why I am feeling the way I am and what it takes for me to turn around these negative feelings…
From a place of observation, I look at my thoughts like little cars on a passing street. Some days (especially during the 10%) I’m like, “WHOAAAA traffic is jam packed! Look at all those angry little drivers! What a clusterF@#(” (LOL) and then the days I’m centered I see how smoothly the traffic flows 🙂
The point is, I’m not in those cars, I’m now on the outside watching them pass by. I don’t have to get caught in the jam, I don’t have to let it make me a bitter, self-sabotaging idiot. Instead I can be like, “Oh hey – a year ago I would have gotten in that car and though part of me still wants to,I’m not that person anymore – I make better emotionally intelligent decisions now.”
It’s kind of crazy when you are able to, for the first time, separate yourself from your thoughts and feelings. It’s like an out of body experience. The first time I experienced this I remember feeling so incredibly fearless – and luckily each day that place of fearlessness grows stronger (well, most days). I have realized the world is not some big black scary hole of a place and I will be OKAY no matter what happens in my life. It’s this perspective that allows me to commit myself to a life of service and do my best everyday to be a better person, in turn, hoping to better this world.
NOTE TO SELF:
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE KILLS SELF SABOTAGE
So how does one acquire said emotional intelligence?
- Study Yourself: you’re with yourself until the end of time so doesn’t it make sense to get to know yourself inside and out better than anything in this world? Pay attention to how you’re feeling, how certain people make you feel, situations, etc… Observe what thoughts are raised in your mind and if you’re choosing to believe them.
- Respond > React: reaction is our animal instinct. It’s that urge we get automatically when someone ‘triggers’ us in one way or another, typically when we ‘snap’ or have an outburst it’s a reaction. Responding is observing how we feel and then choosing to respond based on logical decision-making, not in-the-moment feelings.
- Take Responsibility for Yourself: a huge sign of being emotionally un-intelligent is living in reaction to the world. You know, those people who complain about their jobs day in and day out and yet never do anything about it? Whom blame others for their own feelings? Reality is, we have complete control over ourselves – thoughts, feelings, and all! Yes, it is hard to do, but I insist it is necessary if you want to be emotionally intelligent and live a radiant life.